This is a very sticky subject especially around holiday times in our culture.  Many get lonely, are burdened with expectations, watch couples and families gather in celebration.  For a single man or woman it can be extremely painful.  Many singles have given up even trying to attract a special person due to a fear that old patterns or pain may repeat themselves.  Some have ‘settled’ and believe that coupling will never be in their future.  On Maui, I come across hundreds of single people who desire a meaningful and loving relationship but do little to attract such a person.

For those people who truly desire to be in an intimate relationship I suggest that you give it another shot.  I’ll include some tips below that you may consider.  There are no promises but my guess is that life will be more fulfilling.

1.  First, look within.  What are your own fears or blocks to being in relationship?  Ask the tough questions of yourself in a compassionate way.  I suggest doing this in an inquiry style with a well formed question that you ask yourself over and over.  Write or record your answers.  Another way is to work with a psychotherapist or skilled friend who can hold space for your inquiry.  Frequently another can assist you in uncovering shadows of doubt and fear that may be hindering your manifesting. Are you angry at men or women? Are you judgmental?

2.  Compassionately tend to your own inner world.  Cultivate your own inner beauty, authenticity, and magnificence and be willing to share this authentic expression with friends and strangers. What are your innate gifts?  Do you know them?  Do you share them?  Do you hide them?  First know the Truth about your own essential qualities.  Cultivate your gifts.

3. Change your patterns. Going to the same places, meeting with the same people, doing the same things will lead to the same results.  Engage with different tribes or groups; attend different parties; get newer friends and challenge your self to be bold in talking to strangers.  Some of my deepest relationships have started by inviting a conversation with a stranger.

4. Make yourself attractive both inside and out.

5.  Get bold and ask someone out on a date.  Do this even if you are not sure you want to date this person. Go to the local coffee shop, a focused time with another is fun.  Show interest, curiosity and be present.  What women want from man is to be entertaining, curious and present?  Men frequently want to experience your radiance and your interest in them.  Smile and have a good time.  Laughter gets bonus points.  Frequently singles are so afraid, or wary that they have their ‘rep’ or representative show up in public.  This is the aspect of yourself that you send out as a scout to see if it is safe.  This aspect of you says the ‘right’ things as to not offend or to get approval.  Fire the ‘rep’ and be authentic.  Talk about what is real and meaningful while being entertaining.

6.  Be bold ‘part two’.  If you are attracted to another, say so.  ‘I really liked hanging with you at this party and I want to do it again. What do you think?’  Ask for what you want.  Risk the ‘no’ or rejection.  And if rejected, don’t contract; but use it to expand more.  Get big and bold in your life.  Take risks.

7.  If you are bored with your life, chances are that others will be bored too.  Get a vibrant and purposeful life.  What gets you excited?  What do you offer to the world?  Are you living your purpose?  Do you know your purpose?

Now, good luck.  Put yourself on a 30 day program beginning today to build some of these things in your life.

Remember the first person you must love is yourself.