A recent couple called quite upset that their newer relationship had lost it’s juice.  They were no longer connecting emotionally, sexually or spiritually and were finding themselves in a daily, slow burning bicker where they would snip at each other.

Step 1:  Connect to Self: I asked both to re-establish their own a solo practice of re-connecting to self.   When the self is spinning out, not aware of who’s driving their bus, there is little hope of connecting to the other in a healthy way.  They may attempt to re-connect from a place of ‘lack’ instead of fullness.

Step 2:  Invite connection.  I have a very specific way that I teach couples that almost always works if each has re-established a sense of self.  For some, even if they have not fully connected to self, the process may begin to work it’s magic.  Presence and patience while moving and speaking slower will help.  Breathing low from the belly in deep slow movements will help too.  Practice your own grounding into your own essence, the original self while seeing beyond the ‘story’ you have built up around the ‘other’.  It may be hard, but see your partner’s  essence.  Allow each sentence you speak to have a pause in-between while remaining aware of what part of you is speaking.  The ‘needy’ one?  The ‘controller?  The grounded one?  As a listener, pay attention to every word without reacting, but hang on every word attempting to understand the other.

Remember, it’s most important to learn your way out of the potholes more than learning how you got in.

When in trouble you may need a third party to assist you in opening that river of love again.  The journey is well worth it.