The Lovers Codes

The Lovers Codes is a set of 15 agreements, or guidelines to assist couples in establishing a foundation for relating optimally.  The Codes are a fluid and dynamic as couples are encouraged to make them their own.  Many edit, eliminate, add or adjust the Codes to personify them to meet their own needs.  Each Code addresses some important aspect of the relationship including communication, honesty, transparency, play and of course, sensuality and sexuality.  It has been my experience that the Codes are best learned through a dialogue between lovers and myself.

Some have used these agreements as their vows.  Other couples have used them to deepen their already good relating.  It propels couples into deeper learning about themselves and each other.  They offer compassion and forgiveness, gentleness and fierceness; courage and play.

I invite you to review the Lover’s Codes for yourself.  Please contact me @ edfell3@gmail.com and allow me to assist you in guiding you to their magic.

The Lovers’ Codes:

1. Love is who I am. I agree to love you and myself in the present. Love is not an ever-changing emotion, but is action and a reality that is only expressed in the NOW!

2. I co-create a sacred circle of transformation and safety for both of us that fosters clear and free communication.

3. I take full responsibility for my words and actions. I will continue to look at my gaps in integrity and will honestly continue to do my self-work and self-love.

4. I respect and value your needs, desires and boundaries. I respect and value mine.

5. I am responsible for meeting my own needs. I will not manipulate or coerce you into meeting my needs. I will lovingly ask for what I want.

6. I actively listen to you without trying to fix or change you. I give up my need to defend my ego, or respond from emotional hurt when you have observations or truths that may be painful for me to hear.

7. My highest aim is to honor both of us. Attending to our mutual evolution and missions as loving beings is my joy.

8. I promise to speak only truths to you and myself.

9. I track and keep all agreements made to you and to myself.

10. I practice gentleness and compassion in every aspect of our relating.

11. I endeavor to make myself attractive for me and as my gift to you, taking loving care of my body and soul. I make myself a temple worthy of receiving and giving love.

12. Sex, play, touch and joyful expression of our bodies is our birthright. I commit to celebrating and deepening this loving bond.

13. I will not attempt to change you and will let go of expectations that you be someone you are not. I celebrate you as you are. I celebrate you now.

14. Celebration, laughter and play is an integral and essential part of our relating. I commit to expanding this aspect of our relating.

15 I honor our humanity, and choose to love you and myself when I/we break this code.